Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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