i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the day after is always just damage control
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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