I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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