the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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