she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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