She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
