i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
