this beer tastes like vomit already
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
