I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
did i walk over a car last night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There are leaves in my underwear?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
