am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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