Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
