remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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