Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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