Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
