they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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