Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
