Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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