he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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