dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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