if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
