Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
