That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
