I bet he comes in French.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
