Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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