oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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