I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Two words: blizzard sex
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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