I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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