are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
