I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
