Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
