I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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