Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm too high and old for this...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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