Michael Bay diarrhea
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
