Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
