I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
