gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Randomize
