I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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