I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
