I think my vagina is haunted
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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