umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
