those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
