IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
