At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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