Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
