I got her a Nickelback box set.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
