i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
