I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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