i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
