Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
