You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
