He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
