No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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