Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize