I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
