Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
