OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
