what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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