I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You can't motorboat a personality
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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