I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
