Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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