just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
