I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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