DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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