I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
