just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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