Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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