Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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